There’s no secret I love empowering people to fall deeper in love with themselves through boudoir photography. The experience is incredibly transformative, and a perfect exploratory space to connect deeper with your inner self.

But what I told you that for all those reasons - AND MORE - it’s equally as powerful for couples? And less nerve-wracking, to boot. Let’s dive into my top 5 reasons you need to stop day dreaming about a couples boudoir session, and do the damn thing.

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#1. Connect with each other on a deeper level.

Life can get muddy, stressful, and can make us get lost in our daily frustrations and struggles. Being able to connect with each other in this safe container helps reestablish your intimacy, deepen your connection to one another, and lets you feel like you’re falling in love all over again. When was the last time you spent two hours just running your hands all over each other, with the only intention of enjoying each others presence? No objective. No end game. Just togetherness. Sound juicy? It is.

#2. To commemorate a milestone, a transition, a new beginning.

Boudoir is a unique and powerful way to celebrate big milestones in life. For the same reason someone can choose to celebrate a birthday or milestone in a self love session, it’s equally as powerful to celebrate those milestones together. A wedding, engagement, birthday, a new baby on the way, anniversary – you name it. Having photos that celebrate this part of your journey together is the ultimate gift to yourselves in this moment, and in the future.

#3. You won’t be able to stop staring at each other – for years to come.

Trust me when I say from personal experience, that having photos of your lover looking at you like you are the most beautiful person in the world, and you at them, is a feeling like nothing else. We rarely get to see those moments where our partner is staring at us with absolute adoration in their eyes - but during your couples session I work extra hard to make sure I catch all those “I’m obsessed with you” looks you’ll be giving one another. And when you look back on the photos together years down the road, it’ll still give you butterflies.

#4. It’s less intimidating than solo-boudoir.

Solo boudoir can seem like the scariest thing in the world for anyone who isn’t comfortable in front of the camera. You are the subject of the session - the lone focus of that cameras attention. And while leaning into that experience is incredibly liberating and transformative, taking that initial leap can seem like standing at the edge of an airplane getting ready to sky dive. Couples boudoir offers you a safety net: each other. It’s not just you in front of the camera, your lover is there to support you, and you them. You get to enjoy each other, play, laugh, indulge, and sometimes even forget that someone is taking your picture!

#5. Your love is worthy of being documented.

People often only indulge in professional photography a few times in their lives, and it’s usually for a wedding, new born photos, or business headshots. And while those are all beautiful reasons to hire a professional – your love for each other is beautiful and worth celebrating. They may become some of the photos you look back on the most. They will bring you together when you’re separated, remind you of your love for each other when things get hard, and reignite sparks and intimacy when life gets in the way. They can be a reminder of your love, and the kindling to help fuel many fires of connection for years to come.

Are you ready to celebrate your love through boudoir photography?

When the calendar year flips, our culture tends to jump into setting big goals for the next trip around the sun. There’s pressure to be better, do more, make more, see more. Be more.

It can leave us feeling pretty overwhelmed, and can set us up for expectations and goals we inevitably can’t reach or meet.

What if we instead flipped the script. Instead of being more, we instead focused on simply being.

Being present.

Being mindful.

Being grateful.

Being you.

Just, being.

I invite you not to set giant goals for the new year, but instead ask yourself how you can fill your days with more moments of presence. What little things can you invite in that will bring you more peace, a sense of gratitude, and a chance to sit and enjoy everything that is already transpiring around you.

So f*ck those new years resolutions – less doing, more being. Whatever that looks like to you.

One of the biggest blocks I have to work through with potential clients is “I’m just not confident enough.”

And with thoughts like that blocking your path – of course you’re not going to feel confident enough. You’re already psyching yourself out for anything you want to do and creating a safe opt-out for your subconscious.

So - how do we get the f*ck out of our own way, and start living the confident, embodied, badass versions of ourselves that we want to be?

Practice, baby. Practice.

Just like self-love, confidence is a practice. It’s an on going process, commitment, and intentional choice. You become more confident by allowing yourself to be more confident. Sounds counter-intuitive - but you’ll never believe you’re a badass, confident, capable babe until you start treating yourself like one.

But, how do you start?

Here are 4 small daily rituals you can use to boost your confidence, and to start treating yourself like the unstoppable force that you are.

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1.

Stop apologizing for things that don’t need to be apologized for.

Saying “sorry” to every small thing is often attributed to being a “Canadian” trait – but it’s mostly tricking your subconscious into believing that you have to apologize for your very existence. Stop apologizing for the space you take up, or for just being a human. Learn to unlearn the word “Sorry” from your vocabulary (unless the situation actually requires an apology - then of course, feel free!) But I’m talking about those times you can’t make a decision fast enough to appear someone else’s expectations. Or the time you were 2 minutes late. Or apologizing for asking a favour from a friend. Instead of saying “sorry” try “thank you.” Thank you for waiting for me. Thank you for your patience as I made that decision. Thank you for doing that favour for me when I needed help. By shifting from “sorry” to “thank you” you are taking time to be grateful, instead of being apologetic for very human things.

This can be flipped around to your body, too. Stop apologizing for how your body exists in the world. Or how you wish it looked. And instead flip it to gratitude. Learn to say thank you to your body for allowing you to experience the wonders of life. For allowing you to hug your friends, laugh, play, experiencing joy.

2.

Look yourself in the mirror more often, and hype yourself up.

The next time you catch your reflection, make it a point to notice something positive about yourself. Take the time to compliment yourself - to really actually compliment yourself. The more you can start to do this on a regular basis, the more natural it will become. Soon you’ll be catching glimpses of yourself in car windows and throwing positive affirmations at yourself like it’s second nature.

3.

Practice your love language.

What is your love language? What is the last time you practiced it on yourself? Are you a touch lover? Then maybe spend extra time in the morning indulging in a skin care routine that has you pampering yourself and giving yourself a little massage. Are you a gifter? Maybe it’s time to purchase yourself something that will remind you of your commitment to loving yourself. A words of affirmation? Write your favourite affirmation or mantra on your bathroom mirror so you can see love letters from yourself everyday. Speaking our own love language allows us to feel loved and supported - and enables that feeling to blossom into a quite confidence in our daily lives.

4. Journal/meditate/reflect on what your needs and boundaries are.

Needs + boundaries may not sound sexy or confident - but they are the foundation of asking for what you want and need out of life. The best way to discover what your needs, desires, hell yeses and f*ck no’s are - is by self-reflecting. When you start to identify these parts of yourself, you can start asking for them in your life. Or start saying no to things that prevent you from living your most exciting and authentic life. It’s too easy to go through life on auto-pilot, drifting along fulfilling the expectations and needs of those around us. It takes more self-awareness and confidence to know our needs, and to ask for them to be met. But you deserve to live a life that fills you up and makes you happy - so ask for what you need! Set boundaries that allow you to say FUCK YES to more of what lights you up, and a hell no to what doesn’t.

Being a full time boudoir photographer for over 5 years now, I’ve heard some shit. I’ve heard a lot of preconceived notions about what “boudoir photography” is, I’ve heard a lot of reasons for not wanting to do a shoot and writing it off entirely. I thought, what the hell, let’s write a post about some of the myths around this type of healing art form that need to get the f*ck out.

#1: “that’s not boudoir”

I’ve heard this about certain types of editorial styles, shooting boudoir outside, shooting in anything other than lingerie. Basically if it doesn’t fit the very small box of what some people think “boudoir” is – I get the “that’s not boudoir” comment.

WEELLLLLL I’m here to tell you that boudoir is whatever the f*ck you want it to be. It’s an idea and a feeling more than a strict set of rules on how to shoot. Boudoir is about liberation, celebration, freedom, and just being. It’s a container to explore yourself however you want to, to be the version of yourself you want to be. Whatever that means, or looks like. Sure, “boudoir photography” may have originated as “sexy” photos taken in a bedroom scene - but it’s evolved to be more than that - at least in my studio. Boudoir photography is about documenting and celebrating YOU - just you. It’s about being present in your body and committing to cultivating that relationship with self. And that can look like whatever the f*ck you want it to, baby.

#2: “i need to lose 10 pounds”

No, you don’t. Truly, you don’t. Like said above, boudoir photography is about celebrating yourself exactly as you are in this moment. It’s about committing to your relationship with self - and healing your mindset through this experience. You could lose 10 pounds, but if you don’t work on your mindset and your limiting beliefs around WHY you feel that way about your body image, you’ll just be 10 pounds lighter with just as much self-doubt and self-limiting thoughts. You don’t need to lose 10 pounds, you need to lose the idea that you aren’t good enough AS YOU ARE. Because you are enough, just as you are. I promise.

#3: “I could never look like that”

99.9% of people who have walked into my studio have had some variation of this fear: it’s imposter syndrome, darling. You can look this fearless, empowered, and in love with yourself.

#4: “I need nice lingerie!”

Lingerie/outfits are probably the least important part of the process. I’m serious. When I first started I used to think it was important, too. But as the fears went on and I learned and learned, I realized that it’s not what you wear that matters: it’s how you FEEL in it. You can walk into the studio in an old t-shirt with holes, but if you feel like a f*cking goddess in that ratty shirt, you will LOOK like one. Same goes with lingerie, or being naked. Show up with a suitcase of lingerie if that’s what makes you feel good - or show up with nothing at all. Either way you’re going to look amazing as hell.

#5: Boudoir photography is selfish/vain and I shouldn’t do it

Allowing ourselves to feel good and look good is interpreted as vain and selfish because the patriarchy doesn’t want you to realize that you can love yourself and give energy back to yourself. They want you to feel like shit so that you buy the shit they’re trying to sell you in magazines and ads. They don’t want you to know that you don’t actually need any of that crap, you just need to heal your relationship with your body, self, and mindset to become an all-powerful badass babe. Sounds cheesy - but it’s true. It’s another way they want you to feel small and powerless - because people with insecurities and self-doubts are so much easier to market and sell shit to. You’re also too preoccupied with doubting yourself and staying caught up in that cycle, that they can continue hoarding their power while we stay down here fighting each other horizontally. Throw that belief out the window. “Self love isn’t vanity, it’s sanity”.

Hello, friend. If you’re here reading this I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here, thank you for choosing to participate in my journey & furthering your own.

This week I lost my Instagram account to the Puritan overlords, and it was quite heart breaking to lose countless hours of work and energy cultivating that space. It seems trivial that it causes so much distress to my heart, but aside from the loss in energy + connections, it also has a deeper meaner. The active pursuit of censorship and deplatforming of artists, sex workers, BIPOC humans, marginalized communities, and anyone who doesn’t fit inside their “approved” box. The weight of this censorship is not lost on me. I also recognize that I was able to exist on this platform moderately successfully whereas others with less privilege than I may have been removed and put into compromising positions much sooner.

This all hurts, deeply. However my heart was able to find some solace throughout this, in the out pouring of love and support from this community.

I don’t take a single client, follower, supporter for granted - a single opportunity to connect soul to soul and leave my handprint on the heart of another (and have their handprint left on mine in turn).

It feels like I’m starting from scratch, as that account was a huge way in how I connected with people and found clients who wanted to make magic together. But the outreach from so many amazing humans has shown me otherwise. So if you’re still here, and you’re still reading this: thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

PS: if you’re a photographer please create a newsletter list and keep up with your blogs because the social media overlords are coming for us. Love you all and cultivate your communities in spaces you can control and give deeper connection to your people!

This beautiful soul wrote a story to accompany her photos when she chose to share them online. I remember reading it breathless. Breathless at the vulnerability, at the strength to look at those truths and speak them out loud for others to be inspired by. Breathless at the thought of each one of us at war with our bodies – and the simple power that comes with working on your belief that you are beautiful as you are. Because that’s all we can do - to work on our mindsets. To commit to unlearning old patterns that we inherited from our families, from our culture, from society, from other people’s opinions, from the patriarchy.

This beautiful soul really says it best – so I’ll let her words to the rest of the talking.

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In elementary school, I was told that if I could pull two inches of fat from my abdomen, I was fat.

My friend told me this. She was also Asian, and she had been told this by her family. I examined my belly and according to this rule, I was fat. We were both fat. Those inches existed and it felt like suddenly, we weren't allowed to consider ourselves beautiful.

To be clear, this should have been neither of our concerns, especially at that age. Growing up though, blunt judgment on our appearance from the Asian community was very common; a very specific and uniform set of rules arising from East Asian beauty standards which we were meant to conform, including body fat, muscle mass, lightness of skin tone, eye shape, nose shape, face shape, demeanor, and on and on and on.

Not fitting into this Asian standard of beauty felt very much like being rejected by my own culture, and it contributed to low self-esteem and confusion over my identity growing up.

At the same time, while the Western standard of beauty ostensibly allowed for a somewhat more diverse set of very specific traits, here I felt exoticized and gaslit at the same time. From micro-aggressions from those unironically describing their preferences as yellow fever, to outright violence like the recent Atlanta spa shootings, as a Canadian-born Chinese person, I ruminated on events like these.

I still ruminate and navigating this identity is still a process, but I write all this now because, despite it all, I feel more intune with myself than ever before. There was no one fix for this, and the process continues to be gradual, but undeniably, pole has helped me appreciate my body for what it can do, not for what it looks like. Neither Eastern nor Western beauty standards apply. They are irrelevant because they do not help me pole. Instead, I create my own standard based upon how I would like to move. It was this paradigm shift that helped me feel more comfortable in my skin.

So I wanted to share this photo because it captures me in that skin, stomach in the forefront, two plus inches of fat and all-- and while I'm still working on really believing it, I consider myself beautiful here.